Hey guys! It’s been a stressful couple of weeks with the school year coming to a close and everything (Finally!!!). I was talking to my little sister and she was telling me about how her class they’re watching movies and stuff since they are done with their work. Aaaaah, don’t you miss the good old days when there was actually time at the end of the year to wind down? In high school, it just means it’s time for teachers to cram in all the stuff they forgot or ran out of time to teach. I’m literally taking a few of my EOY exams on the second to last day of school. Oy vey. I’ve been spending hours each night to cram in massive amounts of studying. (hence the delayed blog post…) But I’m confident I will get everything done. Pretty sure.
About a week ago, I shadowed a student at the other high school to see if perhaps I want to go there next year. The day went pretty well, but the school seems a lot more lax in regards to, well everything. The dress code is close to non-existent and a lot of the kids just seem rowdy. Not bad. Just rowdy. I’m trying to refrain myself from describing other kids as “bad”. Because it’s not true. No one is just bad. We are all complex beings with complex emotions. I guess I just like to see things as black and white and so I tend to force people into being one thing or the other. Yeah, I know it’s bad. But I’m working on it!
I have 2 choices. Choosing to continue at my current school, I can focus on academics while being taught by (some) great teachers. But making friends is a lot harder because it’s a smaller school. And it’s already been 4 and a half months with no friends. The other school has a lot more kids which means a lot more opportunity. Opportunity for good and bad. Making friends would be easy, but not without having to go through being “the new kid”. Again.
I was really excited to visit the other school because I thought perhaps it was an opportunity from God. I thought, “Whew! After all this struggle, God is giving me a break! Finally!” But after visiting, I feel like I should stay at my current school. Despite the fact of my absence of friendships. So now I’m just confused.
I don’t really understand what God is trying to do here. At first I had hope in the fact that maybe the other school was His plan for me. But now, I just don’t know. Maybe He’s putting me through this to teach me something, or grow me. I just want to know what I’m supposed to do. It sucks having the little piece of hope you had be extinguished. It’s fine, I guess. Now I’m just waiting until next year when some new kids come to be friends with me. No, I’m not waiting. Anticipating. Because I have hope in His plan. It just sucks a little right now.
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Oh and just a quick little note to any other students out there: Good luck on all the AP Exams and End of Year exams! Study hard, get rest, and don’t forget to have some emergency chocolate in case of sudden brain exhaustion!